When the World Cup Does Not Feel Safe at Home
If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, call 999 and press 55 when prompted. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is free and available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
Major tournaments like the World Cup can increase risk in homes where fear, control or violence are already present. Alcohol, heightened emotion, disappointment and disrupted routines may make an unsafe situation more dangerous. For some people, a match is not just a match because it becomes a time of monitoring someone’s mood, trying to stay safe, and waiting for the atmosphere to change.
Abuse is never excused by stress, drink or a football result. If home feels unsafe, that matters, and please know that specialist support is available.
Major football tournaments do not cause domestic abuse, but they can intensify danger where fear, control or abuse are already present.
For many people, the World Cup is a time of excitement.
The build-up. The group chat. The predictions. The noise from the neighbours when a goal goes in. For some people, it is something else entirely:
It is a time of watching the mood in the room.
It is checking how much someone has had to drink.
It is listening for the change in tone.
It is knowing that the result of a match may not stay on the screen.
Major football tournaments can become a pressure point in homes where fear, control, intimidation or violence are already present. Because if we say football causes domestic abuse, we miss the reality of abuse. Abuse is not a bad mood. It is not passion. It is not disappointment after a match. It is not stress, alcohol, or a poor result.
Those things may intensify risk, but they do not excuse it. Domestic abuse is about power, control, fear and harm.
When the atmosphere changes
In some homes, the start of a big match brings people together. In others, it changes the atmosphere.
The person being harmed may become highly alert. They may monitor facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, drinking, pacing, shouting, silence, doors closing, or the way someone puts a glass down.
This kind of vigilance is not over-reacting. It is the nervous system trying to stay safe.
When someone has lived with intimidation or violence, they often become skilled at reading tiny shifts in another person. They may know long before anyone else does that something is wrong.
This can initially look like anxiety. But sometimes it is information underneath the anxiety.
Why big football tournaments can increase risk
World Cup matches can bring together several risk factors.
Alcohol may be involved.
Emotions may run high.
Routines may change.
Groups may gather.
A result may be experienced by some people as humiliation, rage, entitlement or loss of control. None of this causes domestic abuse in a person who is not abusive. But in a relationship where abuse already exists, these conditions can make things more dangerous.
The abuse may be physical. It may also be verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, psychological, or coercive. It may include threats, monitoring, humiliation, isolation, blame, punishment, or making someone feel responsible for the abuser’s mood.
For many people, the fear is not only about what happens during the match. It is often about what happens afterwards.
“It only happens when they drink” is still abuse
A common defence around domestic abuse is to explain it away.
They were drunk.
They were angry.
They were stressed.
They were upset about the match.
They did not mean it.
They are not like that normally.
These explanations can be powerful because they offer hope. They make the abuse seem temporary, circumstantial, almost accidental. But if someone becomes frightening, controlling, threatening or violent when they drink, the harm is still real.
If someone blames you for their behaviour, the harm is still real.
If you change your behaviour to avoid ‘setting them off’, the harm is still real.
If you feel afraid in your own home, that matters.
The psychological impact of living around fear
Domestic abuse does not only affect people during incidents. It can change the whole emotional climate of life. A person may begin to feel constantly on edge. They may struggle to sleep. They may feel jumpy, ashamed, confused, numb or detached from themselves. They may find themselves apologising quickly, smoothing things over, hiding their own feelings, managing everyone else’s mood, or trying to prevent the next explosion.
Over time, this can make a person doubt their own perception.
Was it really that bad?
Am I being dramatic?
Maybe I provoked it.
Maybe I should have handled it differently.
This self-doubt is often part of the injury.
Because abuse makes people turn against their own reality.
Therapy and domestic abuse
Therapy can help people understand the emotional impact of abuse. It can help with fear, shame, confusion, grief, anger and the loss of trust in yourself. But therapy is not a substitute for safety. If you are currently at risk, the first priority is protection.
A therapist can support you to think carefully about what is happening, but leaving or challenging an abusive person can increase danger. Safety planning matters.
This is why specialist domestic abuse services are so important.
They understand risk.
They understand coercive control.
They understand that “just leave” is often poor advice given by people who do not understand the situation.
If the World Cup makes home feel less safe
If you are already worried about the World Cup, that is important.
If you are planning where to sit, what to say, how to keep the peace, how to protect the children, or how to get through the evening without making things worse, that is important.
You do not need to wait until something becomes extreme before seeking support.
Fear is enough.
Walking on eggshells is enough.
Feeling trapped is enough.
Being controlled is enough.
You deserve support before things reach crisis point.
If you are worried about your own behaviour
If you know that you become frightening, threatening, controlling or violent during football matches, alcohol use, arguments or disappointment, the responsibility is yours.
Not your partner’s.
Not the referee’s.
Not the score.
Not the drink.
Not the stress.
Yours.
That may be uncomfortable to face, but it is also where change has to begin. The most useful question is not “Why did they make me so angry?” It is: “What am I doing with my anger, and who is paying the price?”
A quieter truth
For many households, the World Cup will be ordinary. A few tense matches. Some shouting at the television. Maybe disappointment. Maybe joy. But for others, it will bring fear into sharper focus and that is worth speaking about plainly.
If home does not feel safe, it is something to take seriously.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, call 999 and press 55 when prompted. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is free and available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
Explore more in reflections
media depth anxiety emotion betterhelp reflections quizzesFrequently Asked Questions About the World Cup and Domestic Abuse
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Research has found that reported domestic abuse incidents can increase around England World Cup matches. One Lancaster University study found incidents rose by 26% when England won or drew, 38% when England lost, and 11% the day after an England match.
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No. Football does not cause domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is caused by the person choosing to be abusive. Big matches, alcohol, heightened emotion and disappointment may increase risk in relationships where abuse, control or intimidation are already present.
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Major football tournaments can bring together several risk factors. These may include alcohol, emotional intensity, disrupted routines, group pressure, gambling, disappointment, and a heightened sense of entitlement. These factors do not excuse abuse, but they can make an unsafe home more dangerous.
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Alcohol may increase risk, but it is not an excuse. If someone becomes threatening, controlling, violent or frightening when they drink, the responsibility still belongs to them. Abuse is not caused by alcohol. It is a pattern of power, control and harm.
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Signs may include walking on eggshells, monitoring someone’s mood, feeling afraid of their reaction, changing your behaviour to keep the peace, hiding your feelings, avoiding certain topics, or worrying about what may happen after a match. Fear in your own home should be taken seriously.
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Domestic abuse can include physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial control, coercive control, intimidation, isolation, humiliation, monitoring, and making someone feel responsible for another person’s behaviour. It does not have to involve physical violence to be serious.
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Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that makes someone feel trapped, frightened or dependent. It may include monitoring, threats, isolation, financial control, humiliation, jealousy, punishment, or controlling where someone goes and who they speak to.
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Yes, it can still be abuse. If someone becomes frightening, threatening, violent or controlling after drinking or during football matches, the harm is still real. A match result, stress or alcohol does not excuse abusive behaviour.
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If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you cannot speak, call 999 and press 55 when prompted. If you are not in immediate danger but feel unsafe, contact a specialist domestic abuse service for support and safety planning.
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Therapy can help with the emotional impact of domestic abuse, including fear, shame, anxiety, confusion, grief, anger and loss of trust in yourself. But if abuse is current or there is immediate risk, safety and specialist domestic abuse support should come first.
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Not always. Leaving or challenging an abusive person can increase risk. It is often safer to speak with a specialist domestic abuse service first and make a careful safety plan, especially if there has been violence, threats, stalking, coercive control or escalation.
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If you are in immediate danger, call 999. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, is free and available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. Men can contact the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. LGBTQ+ people can contact Galop for specialist support.
Written by Rick Cox, MBACP (Accred)
Psychodynamic Psychotherapist, UK & Online
