When Growth Feels Like Collapse
TL;DR: Psychodynamic therapist Rick Cox explains why change feels overwhelming: anxiety rises as old defences break. Learn how this necessary 'collapse' signals the emergence of your authentic self, leading to long-term emotional freedom.
Rest isn’t failure. Sometimes the body knows it’s time to stop before the mind does.
The Paradox of Change
You committed to therapy. You’ve been showing up, facing difficult topics, and trying to leave the self-sabotaging patterns behind. Yet, instead of feeling immediately lighter or better, you feel worse, more anxious, more vulnerable, and perhaps on the verge of a breakdown.
This feeling of falling apart when you expected to progress is terrifying. It makes sense to question if therapy is working, or if your problems are simply too deep to shift.
But here is a fundamental truth of depth psychotherapy: When growth feels like collapse, it is often the most profound sign that lasting change is beginning. You are not falling apart; you are watching an old, rigid structure, built for survival, finally crack open.
The pain you feel isn’t failure; it is the raw, necessary friction of the authentic self emerging.
The Survival Structure Cracks
The goal of our work together is to get beneath the surface noise and go to the root of the unconscious emotional patterns that have kept you stuck. These patterns manifest as crippling anxiety, repeating relationship patterns, and the punitive internal voice. These mechanisms aren't random; they are defences you adopted long ago to cope with past emotional danger.
This history still lives on inside you, dictating your present.
When you truly start moving towards freedom, your unconscious system registers this as a threat to the old status quo, even if that status quo was miserable. It’s familiar. The 'collapse' is simply the feeling of your old, protective structure losing its rigidity.
• Loss of Familiarity: The defensive patterns (like emotional avoidance, withdrawal, or perfectionism) provided a false sense of predictability. When they start to loosen, you feel exposed, raw, and vulnerable.
• The Anxiety Rises: As stated in the description, anxiety rises as old defences break. This is natural. Anxiety is often tied to feelings you’ve been avoiding for years. When those avoided feelings begin to surface, the emotional system protests loudly.
We call this phase "collapse" because it feels like the foundation is giving way, but it is actually the necessary demolition before a new, stronger foundation can be built.
Working Within the FAD Framework
As a Psychodynamic Psychotherapist integrating ISTDP principles, we approach this moment not as a crisis to be managed, but as a therapeutic breakthrough to be mobilised. We use The Therapy FAD Framework (Feelings–Anxiety–Defence) to navigate the internal turbulence.
When you feel overwhelmed and want to retreat (the Defence), our focus is gently holding you steady so you can observe the process:
• Feelings: This is the buried, authentic emotion (grief, healthy rage, love) that your system has avoided. Allowing these feelings access to consciousness is what cures in therapy. Because these feelings are true.
• Anxiety: This rises sharply in the body when the defence is challenged. We teach your system that you have the capacity to tolerate your own anxiety and emotions without needing to collapse into old defences that re perpetuating the very same issues!
• Defence: We consistently point out when the old pattern tries to reassert control ("I notice you want to skip next week's session now that we are talking about your childhood anger"). By naming the pattern, we loosen its grip.
The anxiety and the feeling of collapse are simply evidence that you are no longer skirting the surface; you are engaging with the emotional core.
Transformation Isn’t Neat
You came to therapy because you were tired of emotionally surviving. You desired a life that felt more your own, more connected, more grounded. The road to that freedom is messy, uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, and sometimes outright painful.
When you feel like you are collapsing, remember that you are actively stepping out of the destructive cycles that have derailed your progress. This work is about realising that the pain you feel isn’t who you are; it’s what you’ve carried.
If you’re in that still point between breakdown and breakthrough, What Cures in Therapy Is Truth expands on how honesty restores balance.
If this reflection resonated, you might explore:
The Psychology of the Inner Critic: How the Voice Inside You Took Power
You’re Not Relating. You’re Re-Enacting…
Sometimes the breakthrough feels like a breakdown, because the old protections are falling apart
Explore more posts in emotion
Ready to surrender your defences?
If this theme connects with your experience, discover how I help clients work through it:
FAQ: When Growth Feels Like Collapse
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Because your nervous system is resetting. When you stop running on stress and start recalibrating toward safety, it can feel like loss or exhaustion before balance returns.
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It’s when the body’s stress system stops adapting to chronic pressure and begins rewriting its baseline. It’s less a breakdown and more a reboot.
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Go gently. Prioritise rest, nourishment, and safe connection. Don’t rush to fix the stillness, it’s where integration happens.
