When Growth Feels Like Collapse
TL;DR: Periods of exhaustion or confusion often signal growth, not regression. When the nervous system can no longer sustain old patterns of survival, it begins to reset its baseline, a process psychologists call ‘allostatic reset’. This is the body recalibrating toward safety, learning that rest and calm are no longer threats. Growth happens here, in the stillness between what was and what’s coming next.
Rest isn’t failure. Sometimes the body knows it’s time to stop before the mind does.
The Hidden Shape of Growth
We tend to imagine transformation as something luminous, a moment of revelation, insight, or awakening. But sometimes, growth is contraction.
In therapy, change rarely feels heroic. More often, it feels like exhaustion, numbness, or confusion. It’s the uneasy middle ground where old coping strategies have stopped working, and new ones haven’t yet arrived.
When Survival Stops Working
Psychologists call this an allostatic reset, the point when your brain and body stop adapting to chronic stress and start rewriting their baseline for safety. For years, you may have been surviving on cortisol, caffeine, and control, doing whatever was needed to “hold it together.”
The Science of Collapse: Allostatic Reset Explained
Then, without warning, the system begins to protest. You can’t push the same way anymore. The sense of “falling apart” that follows isn’t regression; although it may feel like it at the time, it’s recalibration. Your nervous system is beginning to understand that constant tension is not safety; it’s exhaustion.
This is integration. It doesn’t happen at the peak of momentum but in the quiet moments that follow. When the body learns it no longer has to brace for impact. When rest stops feeling like laziness. When calm stops feeling like danger.
From Defence to Surrender: Re-Learning Safety
In therapy, this phase can be mistaken for stagnation. Clients often describe feeling flat or detached, as if progress has evaporated. But what’s actually happening is the deeper work: the nervous system is building capacity for stillness without fear. Insight may come later, but right now, the body is learning trust.
Rest as Recovery, Not Regression
So if you’re in that in-between space, the stillness where nothing seems to move, don’t rush to fix it. You’re not falling behind. You’re stabilising.
FAQ: When Growth Feels Like Collapse
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Because your nervous system is resetting. When you stop running on stress and start recalibrating toward safety, it can feel like loss or exhaustion before balance returns.
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It’s when the body’s stress system stops adapting to chronic pressure and begins rewriting its baseline. It’s less a breakdown and more a reboot.
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Go gently. Prioritise rest, nourishment, and safe connection. Don’t rush to fix the stillness, it’s where integration happens.