Limerence is a state of intense romantic infatuation characterised by intrusive thinking and emotional dependence on another person. While there isn't a universally agreed-upon model of exactly "3 stages" of limerence, I can describe the typical progression that many researchers and psychologists recognise:

1. Initiation/Infatuation Stage: This first phase is characterised by the initial attraction and heightened emotional response. Key features include:

   • Sudden intense attraction to the limerent object (LO)

   • Intrusive thoughts and fantasies about the person

   • Heightened awareness of everything related to them

   • Physiological responses (racing heart, butterflies) when thinking about or seeing them

   • Selective attention to positive qualities while minimising flaws

2. Crystallisation/Intensification Stage: During this middle phase, the feelings deepen and become more consuming:

   • Obsessive thoughts about the person dominate daily life

   • Strong desire for reciprocation and emotional connection

   • Mood swings based on perceived signals from the LO

   • Idealisation of the limerent object

   • Craving for emotional validation from them

   • Intense anxiety about rejection possibilities

3. Deterioration/Resolution Stage: The final phase can take different paths depending on circumstances:

   • If reciprocated: May evolve into a deeper relationship or eventually fade

   • If unreciprocated: May lead to prolonged suffering before eventual decline

   • Gradual fading of intensity as reality replaces fantasy

   • Eventual emotional detachment and return to normal functioning

   • Possible transference of limerent feelings to someone new

This progression was first described by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book "Love and Limerence," though she didn't specifically outline exactly three distinct stages. The experience varies significantly between individuals, with some experiencing limerence for weeks while others may remain in this state for years.

Completely "snapping out" of limerence isn't typically a sudden process, but you can take deliberate steps to overcome it. Limerence is often characterised by intrusive thoughts and obsessive feelings, making it resistant to simple willpower alone.

Here are effective approaches to breaking free from limerence:

1. Distance and limited contact are crucial first steps. Reducing exposure to the limerent object (LO) helps weaken the neural pathways reinforcing the obsession.

2. Reality-testing exercises help counter idealisation. Write down the person's actual flaws, incompatibilities, and reasons why a relationship wouldn't work.

3. Redirect your focus to other areas of life. Invest energy in hobbies, friendships, work projects, or self-improvement to fill the mental space previously occupied by limerent thoughts.

4. Practice mindfulness and thought-stopping techniques. When limerent thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment, then consciously shift your attention elsewhere.

5. Seek professional help if limerence is significantly disrupting your life. Therapies like psychodynamic therapy can help address underlying patterns, particularly if limerence is a recurring issue.

6. Address underlying attachment issues or self-esteem concerns that might be fuelling the limerence.

The timeline for recovery varies considerably based on individual circumstances. While the acute phase might last months, complete emotional detachment typically happens gradually over time rather than in a single moment of "snapping out." Patience and persistence with these strategies generally lead to relief, even if the process takes longer than hoped.

Limerence doesn't have a single root cause but emerges from a complex interplay of psychological, neurobiological, and social factors:

Psychological factors often include:

• Attachment insecurities developed in childhood, particularly anxious attachment patterns

• Unmet emotional needs and the unconscious search for someone to fulfil them

• Fantasy-prone personality traits that facilitate idealisation

• Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness seeking validation through another's approval

• History of emotional neglect or inconsistent love that creates a template for pursuing uncertain relationships

Neurobiologically, limerence involves:

• Dopamine-driven reward pathways similar to those in addiction

• Fluctuating serotonin levels that contribute to obsessive thinking

• Heightened norepinephrine that creates the physical "rush" when encountering the limerent object

• Oxytocin and vasopressin systems that promote bonding and attachment

Social and circumstantial factors include:

• Cultural narratives about romantic love that romanticise obsessive attraction

• Barriers to relationship consummation that intensify desire

• Uncertainty about reciprocation, which paradoxically strengthens attachment

• Timing factors, such as encountering someone during periods of vulnerability or transition

For many individuals who experience recurring limerence patterns, the root often traces back to attachment wounds and relational templates formed in early life. The intense emotions of limerence can temporarily fill emotional voids or replicate familiar relationship dynamics, even when ultimately unhealthy.

Understanding your particular limerence triggers often requires exploring your personal attachment history and relationship patterns, ideally with professional guidance.

Limerence is actually quite the opposite of passive - it's an intensely active internal state that creates an illusion of passivity in our actual lives.

When experiencing limerence, a person's mind is frantically active - constantly analysing interactions, imagining scenarios, interpreting signals, and maintaining an elaborate fantasy structure. This internal hyperactivity consumes enormous mental and emotional energy while paradoxically often leading to passivity in other important life domains.

This manifests in several ways:

1. Waiting becomes a primary activity - waiting for contact, for signs of reciprocation, for the next interaction. This creates a false sense that you're "letting things happen naturally" when you're actually stuck in suspended animation.

2. Real-world actions and decisions get postponed while waiting for resolution with the limerent object. Career moves, social opportunities, and personal growth take a back seat.

3. The limerent person surrenders agency in important ways - their happiness becomes contingent on another person's actions rather than their own choices.

4. Emotional energy that could fuel proactive life engagement gets redirected into maintaining the limerent fantasy.

5. Limerence can become an escape from the challenges of authentic relationship-building, which requires vulnerability, compromise, and facing incompatibilities.

In this way, limerence creates an interesting paradox - the mind is hyperactive while the person becomes increasingly passive in directing their own life. Breaking free typically requires reclaiming agency through deliberate action rather than waiting for feelings to naturally subside.