When we allow ourselves to be irritated out of our wits by something, let us not assume that the cause of our irritation lies simply and solely outside us, in the irritating thing or person. In that way we endow them with the power to put us into the state of irritation, and possibly even one of insomnia or indigestion. We then turn round and unhesitatingly condemn the object of offense, while all the time we are raging against an unconscious part of ourselves which is projected into the exasperating object.
Source - C.G. Jung, General Aspects of Dream Psychology, CW 8: Structure & Dynamics of the Psyche, par. 516.
We make the unconscious conscious by examining our patterns, not only in the present but in our whole history of relationships. We must watch for when and where we are most charged, that is, times when complexes most commonly surface. When our affective response is intense and our rationalizations plentiful, we can be sure that complexes are at work. Being in an intimate relationship is a bit like asking someone to join hands with us, but only after walking across a field in which we have planted mines. Blaming our partner for stepping on mines we have laid is where most couples are when they walk into therapy that first hour.
Source - James Hollis, The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other (Inner City Books 1998), p. 76.
One could almost speak of stages of integrity, advancing the relation to the shadow. An initial stage is denial that there is shadow; a turning-point stage is the acceptance of shadow; a final stage is a sense of restored wholeness once the "full disclosure" of the shadow has been integrated.
Source - John Beebe, Integrity in Depth (Texas A&M University Press 2005), p. 61.
Art: Juan Brufal